How families can support a loved one through the redress process

By David Greenwood

Published December 26, 2025In: Child Abuse, Child Abuse - Church

When someone you love has experienced abuse connected to the Church of England, learning about the redress process can feel overwhelming, not just for them, but for you as well.

Families often want to help, but worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing too hard, or reopening painful memories. There is no perfect way to support a survivor. What matters most is care, patience, and respect for their choices.

This guide explains how families can support a loved one through the redress process, while also looking after their own wellbeing.

Start by listening, and believing

One of the most powerful forms of support is simply listening.

For many survivors, abuse involved not being believed or having their voice ignored. Being met with belief, without question or judgement, can be profoundly important.

Support can look like:

Listening without interrupting or trying to “fix” things
Allowing your loved one to share as much or as little as they choose
Acknowledging the impact of what they have lived through

You do not need to fully understand their experience to believe them.

Let them lead the pace and decisions

The redress process is deeply personal. Some survivors want to move slowly, gather information quietly, or take long breaks between steps. Others may wish to act sooner.

Families can help by:

Respecting their timeline, even when it feels difficult
Avoiding pressure to “move on” or “get closure”
Remembering that hesitation often comes from self-protection, not avoidance

Supporting autonomy helps restore the control that was taken away in the past.

Offer practical help, without taking over

Redress can involve paperwork, appointments, and emotionally difficult conversations. Practical support can be incredibly valuable, but only if it is wanted.

This might include:

Sitting with them while they read information
Helping organise documents
Attending meetings, but only with their consent
Helping them prepare questions

Always ask what would feel helpful, rather than assuming.

Understand that emotions may change

The redress process can bring up a wide range of emotions, sometimes unexpectedly.

Your loved one may experience:

Anxiety or fear
Anger or grief
Withdrawal or exhaustion
Relief mixed with sadness

These responses are normal. Families can help by staying patient and avoiding expectations about how someone “should” feel.

Support does not mean reliving everything

You do not need to know every detail to be supportive.

Your loved one does not owe you their story. Support can exist without full disclosure, and boundaries should always be respected. Let them decide what to share and when.

Encourage professional support

While family support is important, it cannot replace specialist, trauma-informed help.

You can support your loved one by:

Gently suggesting professional advice or counselling
Reassuring them that seeking help is not a sign of weakness
Offering to help find or attend appointments, if they wish

If they are not ready, that is okay, the door can remain open.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone through redress can be emotionally demanding. Families may carry their own feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, or helplessness.

It is important to:

Acknowledge your own emotions
Seek support for yourself if needed
Take breaks without guilt

Caring for yourself helps you remain present and supportive over time.

Support is available for families too

Families do not have to navigate this alone. Confidential advice and guidance can help you understand the redress process and how best to support your loved one, without pressure or obligation.

If someone you care about is considering or going through the Church of England redress scheme, simply being alongside them, in whatever way they choose, is already a powerful form of support.